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Days of a Death Star Technician: Hardware Failure

February 6, 2012

I try to plan ahead. I try to anticipate failure. Why, you might ask, when one power terminal goes down will the whole tractor beam not work? Because there are seven for a reason. While a single power terminal going down will stop the beam from working, it also stops you from having a surge that blows up your whole death star. Plus the admirals decided keeping all the coffee machines running was more important than powering the tractor beam in case “just one” of the power terminals went down.

So where was I? Oh right. Power terminal failure. I anticipated a whole lot of things. A surge in the system means you don’t bring all seven of them down at once because they’re designed to fail individually. Because if they all surged your Death Star would just turn into a giant exploding fireball in space. I planned for a lot of things when designing this terminal system:

  1. Max service life of the terminal and all its sub components
  2. Regular maintenance and inspections
  3. Ease of operating the terminal so no failures would be based on operator error
  4. Redundant systems in case of a power surge

You know what I didn’t anticipate?

5. Sneaky f@#$ing old man committing sabotage

That’s right. I sort of figure that’s someone else’s job. I even have these handy sensor readings so that if some nimrod is paying attention they’ll immediately see the power loss.

But if no one’s paying attention to that? And then the guys you hire to make sure no one’s taking advantage of my easy three step system to shut down a power terminal?

Hey! Idiots! You see that old guy in the robe? You see how he’s not wearing a badge? Maybe you should, like, stop him from messing with my power terminal. Because it really pisses me off when the admirals call me in all like, “hey, your power terminal failed and the ship got away.” And I’m like, “well actually it didn’t fail. Genius in robes over there shut it down like it’s supposed to be shut down for maintenance and none of the folks watching the screen noticed it wasn’t due for a maintenance procedure. Probably too busy thinking about how they never get blamed for sh@# anyways so why even bother watching the monitors.” I’m just saying.

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