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Days of a Death Star Technician: Meetings

January 4, 2012

Apparently the admirals lost some droids. Of course they wanted me to rig the sensors to be able to find it from space. You know, not anything unreasonable, just find a needle on a planet full of haystacks in the middle of freaking nowhere with crazy sandstorms. Of course you can’t tell the admirals no. So I said I’d work on increasing the sensor’s accuracy and left it at that. Leave it to them to find out there’s no way it’ll be accurate enough to find two little droids. From space. Did I mention we’re scanning from space?

Then they suggested I get all my equipment to work down there. Frankly I don’t want to bring my equipment down to a sandstorm covered planet on the far edges of the galaxy. Especially since these admirals never want to okay funding for more equipment. They seem to think I can make something work in a sandstorm one day and then a mining colony the next. Well it doesn’t work like that. So I said hey, aren’t there these giant lizard things? Oh yeah, dewbacks. Great, just get the troopers to ride around on dewbacks. I mean, I could’ve put the effort in, but those storm troopers are a-holes anyways.

Then Vader walks in with his handler Tarkin. I’m not really sure why Vader still works here. I mean maybe works is an exaggeration. He’s really a figure head at this point, and one who just yells at and scares the employees. So he makes one of his crazy religious comments and Motti’s a big mouthed atheist so of course he says something snide in response and Vader just starts force choking him. Tarkin’s just watching. Because of course management doesn’t care about its employees. Of course the rest of us know force choking probably violates a few OSHA standards but we’re just glad that we’re not the ones being targeted. Sort of a scared hamster mentality. You’ve lost all your humanity when you don’t even stand up for someone else anymore. You’re just glad it’s not you being force choked that day.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. January 4, 2012 2:10 pm

    I would have laughed even harder at this post if I wasn’t so sure it was a true to life story.

  2. January 4, 2012 6:48 pm

    OMG…this is one of the best posts you’ve ever written. Love it. 🙂

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