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Mystery Science Car Manual

August 27, 2010
I was looking for some information and stumbled upon the surprising fact that Chevrolet has all its car manuals for its latest cars online in easy PDF format. Of course, being able to find scanned car manuals is nothing new. But having the official ones all on an easy to access page is pretty nifty. So I was leafing through and just had to laugh. Here’s why.
What’s up with this “safety” mechanism? How am I supposed to keep my kidnap victims in my car? Or more importantly, how effective is my trunk as a zombie catching device when the zombie can just open the trunk and get the heck outta there?
I assume this means we should anchor babies in car seats so they don’t float away. That or training our kids early to be sailors when we run out of oil and can’t drive around in cars anymore.
In the US we have air bags. In Canada and Mexico, you just hold a beach ball on your lap. It’s probably just as effective. That or they were too lazy to figure out how to spell “air bag” in Spanish or French. Or possibly the translation of air bag is something disgusting in one of those languages. Anyways, why complain when hanging out in your car is like a day at the beach!
This is pretty good. Not only does this car have some powerful ultrasound or see-through device that can clearly see your fetus but apparently it’s really darned uncomfortable to drive when your pregnant. Look how unhappy that woman looks. Motion vibes are coming off her back she’s so uncomfortable. The auto manual also reminds us, like the airplanes, that the best way to protect your kids is to save your own life first.
Maybe this is a clever graph for the BP oil spill. Or a new mode of transportation.
“You can lose control of the vehicle if you try”… to sleep while driving. Also not recommended. Or maybe she passed out from the jolting experience of adjusting her seat too fast.
I hope helpless adults doesn’t include Project Engineers. Because they’re pretty helpless. But I still reserve the right to leave them in my car if necessary. Since clearly locking them in the trunk won’t work.
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