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Amazing Medical Developments!

July 29, 2010
Do you have problems checking your email? Do you often forget your underlings’ names or feel compelled to make rash decisions? You may have, Executivitess. But don’t worry, there’s a cure.
We here at BioBlöd Labs have been working on developments in the biomedical-technological-venture-capital sciences to help people just like you. We have a patented and FDA approved treatment to make your life better. You probably stay up late at night asking yourself questions like, Am I going to have to fire another secretary? What was that guy’s name who gave me that report that I used to impress the shareholders? Why do I have to have the burden of so much responsibility around her and all I get is this huge paycheck? What kind of yacht should I buy this year? Why do my employees working on Saturdays feel the need to call me during my golf game? And what’s my daughter’s name and who is this lady sleeping next to me?
Yes, it can be overwhelming at times. But medical science has the answer for you. You may feel tired often and have difficulty sleeping. If so, this is definitely the treatment for you. Ask your doctor about it or contact us for the free brochure. The good news is our treatment is a proven and effective method at overcoming Executivitess. You’ll be happier. You’ll have more time and energy to not play with your children. You’ll find yourself able to think more creatively allowing you to finally profit from your totally incompetent employees while you relax and feel better about yourself.
Ask your doctor today.
Stop waiting for everyone to appreciate and respect how important and essential you are. Finally get rid of that guilt over making three hundred times as much as the person who performs an essential function by emptying your wastebasket every day. Don’t feel so pressured about all those emails asking for a decision or warning about a potential flaw in the product. These meddlesome little problems and anxieties are behind you.
Ask your doctor today.
Give yourself that extra boost, your golf game really deserves it. Master that placid smile you wore when you purchased last year’s Ferrari. It’s your right to be happier, less guilt-ridden, and more empowered in your ability to look down upon others. Free yourself from the problems of your past.
Ask your doctor today.
Symptoms may include douchebaggery, selling your soul to Satan in exchange for $0.02 extra shareholder profit, worn out palms from whipping your employees with expensive leather flails, carelessness to the point where you forget some of your relatives are actually normal people too, getting indignant when your employees complain about stagnant wages while you’re accepting a mere tripling of your yearly bonus, running out of devious ways to motivate or demotivate your employees and resorting to responding to their complaints with general meaningless phrases like “huh” or “is that so” or “umm”…
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