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Correspondence

January 29, 2010
tags:
CAMPUS NOTICE
 
 
                            OFFICE OF THE VICE CHANCELLOR -
                                   STUDENT AFFAIRS
 
                                           January 29, 2010
 
 
ALL ACADEMICS AND STAFF
ALL STUDENTS
 
SUBJECT: Blah Blah Privacy Act (BBPA)
          Coordinator for the campus
 
I would like to inform the campus community that as of February 1, 2010,
our new BBPA Coordinator for the campus will be University
Registrar, O. Verp Aid.  Given the critical role of the BBPA
Coordinator it was imperative to identify someone who has expert
knowledge in this critical policy area.
 
Verp has served as University Registrar and Director of Enrollment
Services at the University of Somewhere Else, and Who Cares State
University.  He also served as the Assistant Vice President for
Enrollment and Access at Somewhere Else University, and as Executive
Director of Enrollment and Student Success for the Global Campus at
Who Cares State University.   Verp brings a wealth of knowledge and more
than thirty years of experience working with BBPA - related issues.
Verp has been University Registrar since January 2009.
 
I would like to thank Verp for agreeing to serve in this role.  He will
continue to provide the level of expertise needed to insure that we
maintain the highest level of BBPA compliance.  
 
 
 
                                                Jane Jones 
                                                Vice Chancellor -
                                                Student Affairs

 

I hope Verp gets a pay raise because he’s not even in the system. I assume this mean he’s working for free (ok it’s true, the salary tables aren’t recent enough). Jane Jones though makes $228,437. So I’m going to assume she didn’t even write this herself. Verp also will likely continue to do no real work as the administrative staff below him working for one quarter or less of Jane’s yearly salary will do all the real work.

 

CAMPUS NOTICE
 
 
                            OFFICE OF THE QUEEN BITCH -
                                   STUDENT WHINERS
 
                                           January 29, 2010
 
 
ALL OVERPAID EXECS
 
SUBJECT: BUDGET SHORTFALL (BS)
          
I would like to inform the highly paid executives who decided
to increase my student tuition by 30%, with 15% of that coming
within a month of making the decision, that they are warned and
hereby ON NOTICE that all levels of snark can and will be delivered
to them. While I am aware of our failing state legislature and how
this has resulted in a BS problem for you executives I do not believe
you have thought creatively about your problems. 
 
In addition to this increase you also asked the State for "an additional 
$913 million to restore program cuts, pay for unfunded enrollment 
growth, end employee furloughs and contribute to the Retirement 
Plan." I am extremely dismayed that your high priority requests do not
include any for Student Aid and do not even take into consideration 
that the University should solve its own problems before increasing 
its size without a reasonable plan for sustainable growth.
 
I assume the $10 million in your budget set aside for a new Medical
School in NoOneWantstoLiveHere (located conveniently in between
two thriving and pre-existing Medical Schools that are approximately
200 miles apart) is for buildings only and that in the next few years
costly Medical School salaries will increase this budget.
 
I also note that employees have not been contributing to the
Retirement Plan for the last 19 years and that due to a now failing
stock market you will be required to re-start contributions at a cost
of $96 million to the system. Considering private industry has cut
matching funds and even the federal government dropped its
pension in exchange for a 401k-like plan I am further dismayed
you brilliant academic executives could not consider such a plan
that would require employee responsibility rather than placing
retirement on the shoulders of your already overburdened with
debt students.
 
I look forward to your further updates when you promote or hire
new Chancellors of Expendability and as you are providing no
metrics as to how these executives are succeeding or improving
the program I will continue to measure them the only way any
citizen can right now; their paychecks.
 
 
                                                FrauTech 
                                                Vice Peon -
                                                Bitchy Undertakings

 

 

For your viewing pleasure; the published salaries at about $246k and above (I got too lazy to go any further). I’ve removed all the medical school professors (which made up a LOT in between) as my knowledge of what’s reasonable in those terms or what tuition medical students might be paying is completely unknown to me. Given how many I had to remove though I can only hope they considered raising tuition on medical students as well and not just business and engineering students because we “cost more” what with our one lab class a year and all. Names have been removed to protect the innocent (and the guilty). For reference the local stats in my metropolitan area: Males had a median income of $36,984 versus $31,076 for females. The per capita income for the city was $23,609.

 

VICE CHAN (FUNCTIONAL AREA)  $772,250

ASSO V CHAN (FUNCTL AREA)-EXEC  $709,719

(FUNCTL AREA) OFFICER-EXEC  $570,899

ASSO V CHAN (FUNCTL AREA)-EXEC  $563,500

DEAN (FUNCTL AREA)-EXEC  $514,280

MISCELLANEOUS  $472,683 [1] 

(FUNCTL AREA) OFFICER-EXEC  $403,935

CHANCELLOR  $401,116 [2]

DEAN (SCHOOL/COLLEGE)-EXEC  $365,010

DEAN (SCHOOL/COLLEGE)-EXEC  $342,800

 (FUNCTL AREA) OFFICER-EXEC  $327,917

PROFESSOR-ACAD YR-BUS/ECON/ENG  $310,917

SR VICE CHAN (FUNCTIONAL AREA)  $308,916

DEAN (SCHOOL/COLLEGE)-EXEC  $292,850

DEAN (SCHOOL/COLLEGE)-EXEC  $291,364

DIRECTOR  $291,200

DEAN (SCHOOL/COLLEGE)-EXEC  $282,633

PROFESSOR-ACAD YR-BUS/ECON/ENG  $280,217

DIRECTOR (FUNCTL AREA)-EXEC  $269,082

PROFESSOR-ACAD YR-BUS/ECON/ENG  $267,867 [3]

PROFESSOR-ACAD YR-BUS/ECON/ENG  $265,733  [4]

PROFESSOR-ACAD YR-BUS/ECON/ENG  $260,067

PROFESSOR-ACAD YR-BUS/ECON/ENG  $259,700

VICE CHAN (FUNCTIONAL AREA)  $259,643

PROFESSOR-ACAD YR-BUS/ECON/ENG  $258,133

VICE CHAN (FUNCTIONAL AREA)  $251,100 

PROFESSOR-ACAD YR-BUS/ECON/ENG  $252,667

PROFESSOR – ACADEMIC YEAR  $250,833

DEAN (SCHOOL/COLLEGE)-EXEC  $250,000

PROFESSOR-ACAD YR-BUS/ECON/ENG  $247,167 

PROFESSOR-ACAD YR-BUS/ECON/ENG  $246,167 [5]

 

[1] MISCALLENEOUS? WTF! This is the “former” President, not sure if this is partial payment for the year he resigned or just old and out of date

[2] The big cheese, you’d THINK she’d be paid the most

[3] I’m in this guy’s class right now, he’s probably 75+ year’s old, and while he’s “nice” I wouldn’t classify him as one of my better teachers, nor does he seem to have done a whole lot of research in the last decade. He’s teaching my class and a graduate level class from what I can tell.

[4] I had this guy before. He has this beautiful beach view as his desktop computer background. The TA (who might be one of his students) told us it was the view from his house. The Prof responded “oh no, no it’s not!” like it was a joke, but then mumbled “Well it is but I don’t want them to get the wrong idea.” What’s the wrong idea? That you can own a multi-million dollar home with a gorgeous beach view? Why wouldn’t you want us to know that?

[5] The head of his department, also surprised it’s not higher.

[6] There were only like 5 women on this list(and none of them were professors), but like, who cares.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. February 9, 2010 6:31 am

    Oh, rotten! And I bet, despite the lack of female professors on the list, that someone on your campus is complaining about how education is failing white males?Interestingly, the president of our university apparently makes more than the president of the United States. Although I suppose he gets more perks. Nothing compared to being Prime Minister though, you can't go to jail!

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